In the last 2 weeks, Emma has become more needy of us, wanting to sit next to us, wanting to hold my hand. It is almost like she is a little girl.
I don’t hug much, but when I do, she has a joyful look on her face, the way a 3 year old looks when Mommy hugs her child, and she holds on not wanting to let go. It’s weird stuff. Especially her reaction to the hug – like surprised delight.
Last week, Emma’s bills came in and she was supposed to write out the checks and mail them out. However, she kept belly aching that she wasn’t able to write anymore, that her brain wasn’t working anymore. She can still write, but she said she couldn’t spell and she didn’t know how to write numbers anymore.
I put her younger sister in charge of getting her to write. She had her do 5 sets of the alphabet and write 5 sentences. Then, I don’t know what deal they made, but Emma did end up writing out 4 checks for some of her monthly bills.
Her eyes do not have that high anxiety look where the whites of the eyes surround the pupil, but she does tend to stand in the middle of the room like a statue, just waiting for someone to walk by.
She used to always be in my office, or wherever my husband or I were, but since my husband would put her to work (rakes the leaves, cut up branches, clean up this or that), and I have been less patient with her hanging around with me, she spends most of her day lying down on her bed.
I know this is not good for her. She just keeps focusing on how she won’t get well. It is driving me batty – I am so tired of telling her to break that depressing and non productive line of thought. She doesn’t seem to be willing to put any effort into thinking of positive results, or positive feelings.
I am getting really tired and worn out and many times feel like we may as well give up already. But then, what would happen if we gave up? Emma isn’t even making any effort to hold up her end of the weight.
Thankfully, I have my husband and the doctors who are treating Emma. Something has got to happen. I am getting really weary.