I hate Emma – especially today. She is the biggest failure in my life and I want to just give it up by getting her out of my life.
These past few days have been rough. Emma has been very quarrelsome and resentful whenever I speak to her. In a way I can see why – she feels restricted and controlled. Should I just let her do what she wants and not say anything?
She does not have a job, but talks about being an interior designer. She says that she is making connections so she can represent companies by promoting them and charging them money. She has postponed getting her drivers license (it expired months ago) and several weeks have gone by with her not taking her permit test.
She acts like a spoiled child, flounces around, stomping off, talking incessantly and not letting others have their turn.
Earlier this week, she was not sleeping and I awoke at 3:00 am. She was arranging things in her brother’s room, saying that he was into darkness and evil. All the lights were on in every room in the house. She continued to babble and went on and on about how the house is a mess and unhealthy, how our family is falling apart, how Dad is so unhappy. She ranted about how much she does and no one seems to appreciate how much she does by cleaning, doing laundry, feeding the dog, watering, etc. I forced her to go to bed, and waited on the stairs near her room until it seemed she was calmed down. I felt as if I was going crazy. I felt as if I was going mad.
These past few days, Emma would go to the mall. She was in the Apple store for hours and bought a brand new laptop with accessories with a credit card that we had paid off in full. She had several business cards from people that she had met.
She made an appointment for a haircut from a high end stylist. She is spending money that she doesn’t have on frivolous things, and when asked how she will pay for the charges, she says that she will be making money and get a job.
She becomes giddy with happiness that the world is so beautiful and that she can see colors and taste good food now. Yet, she will snap at the slightest comment that I make, even before the entire thought is expressed. Because I am the alpha type of person, I try very hard not to react, but I do. It causes an argument, and it seems like we are constantly in a very hostile relationship with each other.
She has made a couple new male friends. It seems like she is stringing them along, calling one of them (Abraham) to meet her yesterday at an expensive restaurant, having him buy dinner and take her home. He was a very nice person, probably smitten with this beautiful young woman, but she said they are just friends. Today, she went to church with another young man (Barry) and wanted him to take her to a shopping center after.
From my point of view, she was using these young men, but she did not see it that way at all.
Tonight, she went into a tirade about all the things in her life that messed her up – the movies that she watched (Aliens, Backdraft) that started her on her paranoia, bringing up events in her life that bothered her.
I am so tired of her and living with all of her drama. Right now, I really do hate her and wish I didn’t have her around at all. Terrible mother, terrible daughter. Very bad combination.